1- Rumination
When we nurse and rehearse the hurt, this reinforces the negative experience and burns the event deeper into our mental neuropathways. Our brains are designed to only be able to effectively think one thought at a time… therefore when we are fixated on the hurt, we are not able to focus on the other good and important things that are nice, needed, and necessary.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
2- Diminished Memory
When we remain stressed for long periods of time or we refuse to forgive, cortisol causes our brain to atrophy, especially our memory center called the hippocampus. We must be selective to be effective in our mental focus.
Isaiah 46:9 Remember the former things of old, For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me,
3- Amplified Negative Emotions
Prolonged stress also amplifies our amygdalae’s sensitivity making us even more susceptible to further hurt and pain. We often don’t see life as it is but as we are. When we are looking for things to upset us, disappoint us, and bother us…. We will find it.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 For the weapons of our warfare are not [a]carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
4- Misguided Desire
Unforgiveness can cause us to begin to sense joy, happiness, and pleasure when we see those who have hurt us experience misfortune themselves. It causes our brain to produce the chemical dopamine. It begins to feel good to see bad things happen to those we have not forgiven for their wrongs. This is the way the world functions, but God has called us to a much higher standard.
Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the [c]tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Here are some ways to overcome unforgiveness:
1- Admit the Pain
When we name a painful emotion, we decrease that negative emotion’s intensity. We are only as sick as our secrets. We must remember that denial (dee-Nile) is more than just a river in Egypt. Talk to a safe friend, pastor, counselor etc. When we want forgiveness, we must confess to God but when we want freedom we must confess to another person, who cares for us.
2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you ]are disqualified.
James 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, [b]fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
2- Journal
Processing our pain through writing it down lessens the pain and helps us gain better perspective. Our chaotic thoughts detangle over our lips (talking) and fingertips (writing). Through journaling, seek to gain God’s perspective and healing.
Jeremiah 30:2 “Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying: ‘Write in a book for yourself all the words that I have spoken to you.
3- Choose to Forgive
Forgiveness is a decision and a process. Some offenses can be quickly and easily forgiven while the deeper the pain, the longer it takes. It is not so much forgiving and forgetting. Rather, true forgiveness is more like remembering it less and less over time. When the painful memory is no longer in control of you, but you are in control of it, you are practicing Biblical forgiveness.
Colossians 3:12-13 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
4- Depend on God’s Grace
At the root of the Christian faith is grace. Receiving and extending God’s grace is foundational to Christianity. Grace is God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense. Because we have experienced the underserved grace of God in our lives, we are able to extend undeserved grace to others.
Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
If this blog post has grabbed your curiosity and you would like to know more, please pursue any/all of the below options:
1- Contact me at pastor@missionchurchlex.org
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5- Continue to read this weekly blog- “Find your Why with Pastor D”